Target Forty

Hey! I'm baaack...

*crickets chirping*

Hello? Anybody miss me???

*crickets disappear*

Well, even if you didn't know, I've been away from blogging for more than two months, and find it as difficult as ever to put together a post. Although there are many thoughts and ideas swimming in my mind at the moment waiting to be turned into masterpieces (modest aren't I?) and grace this very Blogosphere (*rolling eyes*), but I shall post this "random" of a post anyways.

Happy Holidays in advance to all my blog buddies! My only activities in this nippy winter is that like of a mountain bear in hibernation; it seems I spend way more time sleeping than a Mr. Teddy usually does. And I had my birthday last week. There is nothing "fun" about turning a year older and stepping even closer than before to perhaps start the use of Anti-Age Wrinkle cream, but what made it special is that, somehow the people who I wanted to wish me- even though they were thousands of miles away swearing at the bitter cold of winter and cursing the very existence of the month of December- did.

I saw HIMYM last week where it had Marshall Eriksson (one of the lead characters) reading out his things to do before 30 list. And it made me wonder...

And so off late, I've been pondering (pardon the cliche) about what I would see myself fifteen or so years down the line to have accomplished. And so I decided, making no commitments in cement, to make a To-Do Wish List* before I turn forty.

So, here I go:
1. Author a book
(If Stephanie Meyer can get her bestseller storyline in her sleep, I should have been writing sagas by now)

2. Travel to atleast 5 different countries
(Home country and taking a stopover flight does not count)

3. Create a headline/ Be interviewed on TV
(The good and non-scandalous kind)

4. Be fluent in a Foreign Language
(Accented English does not count)

5. Invent something
(A word or phrase...anything, but something!)

6. TRY to enter into the Guinness book of world records
(then again, TRY)

7. Still run this blog
(..And criticize this post and the warmth of the winter that made me write this in the first place)


If I don't make any of them from this list, feel free to mock. (Be nice)

OK, wow, this merry season is getting to me. I've kept this post as raw and unedited as my thoughts (I know its gonna bite me in the a** later)

*No. No. Not THAT list is private.

Cheerio folks!
Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year 2010 in Advance....

Speaking of a post

Speaking of a post....
I literally have nothing to blog about. My TV is back after a 3 month hiatus. I can't seem to be reading anything, just watching. Hence "exploring" and "learning" about the current affairs. Maybe that's why I can't seem to think- from the vast expanse of the meninges folds and gray matter of my brain-of one decent blog post.

Speaking of decent....
I cannot believe that of all people Rakhi Savant was allowed to take care of a toddler! I pity the toddler who will soon grow up and wonder out loud "Oh Jhejus! Which of these outfits would show more cleavage?!!". She even dressed the boy like a girl, and with MAKEUP while his biological mother was tearing her hair apart. Why couldn't NDTV Imagine just throw the infant to ravenous hyenas? Hyenas would be less brutal. And more eye pleasing!! Wolves even! Mowgli turned out fine.

Jungle Book's beloved character: Mowgli

Speaking of Mowgli....
I don't seem to understand the unnecessary fuss and brouhaha over Bollywood actresses wearing bikinis onscreen. They do it all the time in beauty pageants, fashion shows, casting couches and the like. Hollywood actresses don't make such a fuss to be on Playboy! Grow up! If you have it, flaunt it. Big Deal! (I can sense fervent nods from the Indian male population)


Speaking of Big....
Big Boss season 3 is out. There is a season 3? Arre baba, does ANYONE care?

Speaking of Baba...
Baba Ramdev has been "gifted" a Scottish island. Newspapers say "Baba Ramdev will also teach the people of Scotland how to perform 'Yoga' to make your life better." Yoga is good. Somehow, I just can't imagine the Scotts in their quilts, armed with a pint performing the Halasana. I remember my yoga class back in school. Early morning at 6am, doing yoga....nothing like the Shavasana. Zzzzzz.

  Above : Halasana (Hala= Plough), Below: Shavasana (Shava=corpse) No, the kitty is alive.

Speaking of  Zzzzz.....

Actor Shiney Ahuja is out of jail after being convicted for allegedly raping his maid. Which movie was he in? Did anyone REALLY miss him? Well... apart from his wife. Media, media! Unnecessary attention, I tell you!

Speaking of unnecessary....
President Barrack Obama was honored with the Nobel for Peace. Hmm. Lets see.
Elected this year.
9 months into his presidency.
Did not decline by stating that 'there is a lot that he needs to achieve before he feels worthy of it'
Why, then that's completely justified! Hey, why don't we give Shashi Tharoor one for Literature? OK I better shut up before Mr. Tharoor hurls abuses at me in his tweets.....


Speaking of  tweet...
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave you met Neil Patrick Harris (Barney Stinson of How I met your Mother fame) on Twitter? Its nice to find celebs on twitter; but I wish there were more politicians than celebs.

Laloo himself with his trademark Kulhad(r).

Imagine if Laloo Prasad Yadav was on twitter. He'd allow you to subscribe to his updates only if you'd buy a yearly supply of kulhad(r)s (earthen pot). Anyhow, I tweeted Barney and he didn't reply back. Bet he realized he's got competition at Awesomeness :D

Speaking of competition....
MLA elections are about to start. And somehow, this time my name IS on the list. My correct and legible name. Unfortunately I've shifted my residence. Full on canvassing even with SMSs being bombarded to me by a certain "English-loving" political party. Although I had no qualms to vote from my old residence but still I was being persuaded to vote from my new one by a pack of power-hungry wannabe "student union".


Speaking of hungry...
I am. I smell cookies. Gkam out.




(Disclaimer 1: The images in this post are under the sole copyright of their owners and I just google them.
Disclaimer 2: I do not intend to hurt sentiments of supporters or crazed fans of the above mentioned by being sarcastic and rude. The purpose of the post is just to tickle the readers' funny bone)

Trust me on the Sunscreen

While rummaging through my music collection- among the Floyds, Metallicas, John Mayers, Didos- I've always been procrastinating to sort out the unsorted music that I posses in my laptop. Yeah, the one or two folders named "#Categorize" or "#To_be_sorted" that always meets my eye every time I pick my oft-listened-to Aqualung track (Brighter than Sunshine); and get demoted to my peripheral vision which quickly goes to neglected status.
These folders contain a diversity of music in their genres worth of an Amazon rainforest. The deleting of same songs with different versions (acoustic, orchestra, stage live, this DJ, that DJ mix) with varying megabytes is as heartbreaking as choosing which of my metaphorical/hypothetical kids are dearer to me. I had to oblige, once my trusty 180 Gig D drive started gasping out S.O.S.s constantly in the form of "Low Disk Space".

And so this lovechild of indolence and procrastination (me!) today started sorting out those unsorted and multiple copies of the same song with similar names like "Nirvana-Smell's like teen spirit" and "01 Nirvana" and "Smells lyk teem spipit" or even "Neervana" which found their ways into five various folders labeled "Nirvaana" or "Rock muzzic" or "Rocking songzzz" or even "Guitarwallah(!) Songs".

I don't know how many of you have this O.C.D like I do, but I like to arrange my files or folders into thumbnails-provided they assimilate within my vision without the need to use scrollbars-and then by type, and in alphabetical order. Also, I make it a point to remove any numerals, unless necessary and refrain from using any SMS lingo in my files. Thats the basic. I plan to innovate by sorting them into the year of their release, their album cover as folder picture, adding lyric page, and....O.K. Geek alert!! :D

That not only helps me locate my favorite Carter Burwell symphony orchestra track from Twilight or ACDC track (TNT) but also helps Rover (the Microsoft Search Dog) to fetch my files in a heartbeat. I wish I could give it treats or a nice rub sometimes. Good boy, Rover! :)

Talking of one song; which caught my attention today. I read its name, but, surprisingly I could remember how it sounded like. See, the thing with me is that I can't recognize a song unless its been taped in my head atleast seven times-Yeah! thats my magic number-till which I'm like tone/melody deaf. I pick up a couple of seconds later or till the beats start.This time my audio-sensory part of my brain caught up well.

So about this song, its called "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" by Baz Lurhmann and its unusual because its a narration of advice.
I did a bit of "research" to find out who it was written by: aaaaand it turns out that after an erroneous claim circulating in the Internet a couple of years ago that an MIT guy named Kurt Vonnegut addressed it, it was actually written by Mary Theresa Schmich, which was published in the Chicago tribune.
You might have come across it already via forwarded e-mails. Its wonderfully written. Here it is, word to word.

Image Courtesy- Discovery Education

"Wear sunscreen. 
 
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. 
 
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. 
 
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. 
 
Do one thing every day that scares you. 
 
Sing. 
 
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.*
 
Floss. 
 
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. *
 
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. 
 
Stretch. 
 
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. 
 
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. 
 
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. 
 
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. 
 
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. 
 
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. 
 
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. 
 
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. 
They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. 
 
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. 
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. 
 
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. 

Travel. 
 
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. 
 
Respect your elders. 
 
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. 
 
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. 
 
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. 
 
But trust me on the sunscreen. "


Most points are really reassuring. The ones with the asterisks on the end are my favourites. I never knew sunscreen is that effective. :)
 

Let the Festivities begin....

Hey All!

Firstly, Happy Dusshera/ Vijayadashami to all of you!

Image courtesy geet_kunal

The victory of Lord Rama over Ravana; Victory of Goddess Durga over Mahishasura.

I just got to know what all of the10 heads of Ravana signify:
(1) Kama vasana (Lust),
(2) Krodha (Anger),
(3) Moha (Delusion),
(4) Lobha (Greed),
(5) Mada (Over Pride),
(6) Matsara (Jealousy),
(7) Manas (Mind),
(8) Buddhi (Intellect),
(9) Chitta (will) and
(10) Ahankara (Ego).
Talk about split-personalities! What will I do without you Wiki? :D

So Time to Celebrate! Stuff yourselves with all the fafda and jalebi and cham-cham and rosogulla and sandesh and... and...and......
*mouth waters* (OK. Gkam. Focus now. No drool on the keyboard. Focus!)
*ahem*....you can lay your hands on...


So you see, THIS is my favorite time of the year... So many festivals! So much fun. So much food! Yummy!....I mean....Yipppppppeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Not to mention the shopping sales, parties, weddings, buffet.....(Oh STOP it Already!!)...and brand-new-designer-outfits-no-longer-fit....

Oh boy, I can't wait for Diwali.!!! :) :) :)
Halloween! (OK, I don't celebrate it, but I like the idea....Trick or Treat anyone?)
And Christmas and then New Year!!


Oh, the year just ended. Yikes.*Gulp*

I gotta lie down. :|

Erm, Enjoy!! :)




P.S. I got issues with "Time Flying" and "Not Studying". Yeah, I'm the love child of Procrastination and Indolence!

P.P.S. I would have posted this earlier yesterday had my internet connection not thrown a fit. Getting too cranky after 18 hours.. Ho-Hum!

Top 20 ways to kill boredom while Shopping

My family and I rarely visit the friendly neighbourhood Supermarket. How much ever the adverts try, they don't entice us into shopping for their products with "Rock bottom prices" or "earth shattering discounts".
Whenever we do its just the habitual, casual first-day-of-the-month-I've-got-my-paycheck-will-"splurge"-Look!-new-offers type of shopping. It isn't walk in the park actually, when we have to go when the rush hour is at its annoying best.
Personally, I ain't a compulsive or impulsive shopper; I like to shop at my leisure albeit sticking to the list. My family, on the other hand, insists on shopping according to the "routine".


The "routine" is when the four of us are out to shop, it isn't just shopping anymore, but rather turns into more of a military operation. My mom and I would be (wo-)manning the condiments and food-grain aisles and swiftly grab each item as if the Salvation Army needed it for their next mission to Rwanda. My brother and my dad station themselves with a cart each, eyeballing queued up customers for the next empty (or least crowded) spot at the cashier. We keep ourselves updated and communicated on our status with respect to the completion of our target list cum dossier (read:half-a-shopping list) via satellite communication (read:pointing at product and nodding vigorously or yelling at top of our lungs).

That's us. But I feel shopping becomes an "enriching" experience when you have some fun at it, without getting bored. Having said that, I present to you,

The Top 20 Ways to Kill Boredom while Shopping

20. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

19. Jump into a shopping cart and try to race your way up to the exit screaming "I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee"

18. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.

17. Challenge other customers to a duel as Darth-Vader with tubes of gift wrap.

16. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I believe we have a code 3 in housewares" and see what happens.

15. Convince you've lost your friend and insist that the announcer at the lost and found department announces:  "Thoswana P Badlee, please come to the Lost and Found, immediately!"


14. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.


13. When someone asks if they can help you, you begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people ever leave me alone?"


12. Block a lane with stray shopping carts leading to the Cashier and speak like a sage:
“Say the Magic Word. Only then shall you pass”

11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. Take up an entire aisle in the Toys department by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon and the Barbies.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

8. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".

7. Switch signs on the Men's and Women's bathrooms.

6. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

5. In the Auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.


4. Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

3. Dart back and forth from the Cafeteria to the Restroom making retching noises. When have caught somebody's attention say: "It must be the (insert-name-of-food-they-are-eating)"

2. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

and the numero uno:

1. Go into the Changing Room and yell real loud...."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"




P.S.: Sniped some points from an e-mail. For more click here

P.P.S. The blog and Gkam neither sponsors or advises its readers to implement/suggest/ameliorate on the above "enriching" activities nor takes the blame/guilt on the lawsuit filed against you by your friendly neighborhood supermarket.
In short: At your own risk... :P

Sweet Agony

She looked at the ceiling and closed her eyes. It was the only comfort she sought.
She couldn’t take it anymore.

She grabbed the bedspread harder and tugged it. She had to stop it, but how?


She couldn’t. Not yet. It wasn’t time.
She would know when it was time.


But the pain…the agonizing pain...


She then saw his handsome sweaty face. He held her hand.
She let him.


He leaned to kiss her.
She turned her face away.


She didn’t know what to think.
Pain tortured her body. But his face brought back memories.
Sweet memories; didn’t alleviate her from suffering.

She had to be strong. No matter what.

He had given her this pain. Of the sweet agony with him that made her suffer.
Why now? She wondered.

He held her hand tighter.

Sweat beads shone over her forehead glistening in the light.

She bit her lip and turned to face him again. He was smiling. The same smile that made her fall in love with him all again.

Her body contorted with every ache. Numbness set in.

She had enough. It was time.

She let go with all the force she could muster. Her lip bled.

And then it was all over.




A sound she was longing for filled the room. It was melodious as ever. She could feel her body again.

“Here you go Mrs. Smith, It’s a boy!” said the doctor.

She held her baby in her arms and cried. She was a mother now. And nothing- not even the excruciating pain- mattered now. It was all worth it.

She looked lovingly at her bundle of joy. Her own blood, flesh and bone. Their eyes met.


He smiled. Just like his father did.





(PS: My first time in such a mode of writing. Need honest advice/suggestions/brickbats/rotten andaa-tamatar in comments section please :D )

India: not so FAQ

With the schools and colleges closed and most paranoid Mumbaikars confined to their influenzaless homes- unless they brave outdoors only with a green phantom mask-I was bored and browsing through my e-mails when I came across this hilarious one I received ages ago. I ROFLed all over again! :D

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.


Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)


Happy Independence Weekend y'all!


(PS: Trying really REALLY hard to get outta "writer's block")
(PPS: Thanks to Rach for the e-mail :) )