Showing posts with label e-mail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label e-mail. Show all posts

Friday, September 11, 2009

Top 20 ways to kill boredom while Shopping

My family and I rarely visit the friendly neighbourhood Supermarket. How much ever the adverts try, they don't entice us into shopping for their products with "Rock bottom prices" or "earth shattering discounts".
Whenever we do its just the habitual, casual first-day-of-the-month-I've-got-my-paycheck-will-"splurge"-Look!-new-offers type of shopping. It isn't walk in the park actually, when we have to go when the rush hour is at its annoying best.
Personally, I ain't a compulsive or impulsive shopper; I like to shop at my leisure albeit sticking to the list. My family, on the other hand, insists on shopping according to the "routine".

The "routine" is when the four of us are out to shop, it isn't just shopping anymore, but rather turns into more of a military operation. My mom and I would be (wo-)manning the condiments and food-grain aisles and swiftly grab each item as if the Salvation Army needed it for their next mission to Rwanda. My brother and my dad station themselves with a cart each, eyeballing queued up customers for the next empty (or least crowded) spot at the cashier. We keep ourselves updated and communicated on our status with respect to the completion of our target list cum dossier (read:half-a-shopping list) via satellite communication (read:pointing at product and nodding vigorously or yelling at top of our lungs).

That's us. But I feel shopping becomes an "enriching" experience when you have some fun at it, without getting bored. Having said that, I present to you,

The Top 20 Ways to Kill Boredom while Shopping

20. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

19. Jump into a shopping cart and try to race your way up to the exit screaming "I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee"

18. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.

17. Challenge other customers to a duel as Darth-Vader with tubes of gift wrap.

16. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I believe we have a code 3 in housewares" and see what happens.

15. Convince you've lost your friend and insist that the announcer at the lost and found department announces:  "Thoswana P Badlee, please come to the Lost and Found, immediately!"

14. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

13. When someone asks if they can help you, you begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people ever leave me alone?"

12. Block a lane with stray shopping carts leading to the Cashier and speak like a sage:
“Say the Magic Word. Only then shall you pass”

11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. Take up an entire aisle in the Toys department by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon and the Barbies.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

8. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".

7. Switch signs on the Men's and Women's bathrooms.

6. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

5. In the Auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

4. Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

3. Dart back and forth from the Cafeteria to the Restroom making retching noises. When have caught somebody's attention say: "It must be the (insert-name-of-food-they-are-eating)"

2. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

and the numero uno:

1. Go into the Changing Room and yell real loud...."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

P.S.: Sniped some points from an e-mail. For more click here

P.P.S. The blog and Gkam neither sponsors or advises its readers to implement/suggest/ameliorate on the above "enriching" activities nor takes the blame/guilt on the lawsuit filed against you by your friendly neighborhood supermarket.
In short: At your own risk... :P

Thursday, August 13, 2009

India: not so FAQ

With the schools and colleges closed and most paranoid Mumbaikars confined to their influenzaless homes- unless they brave outdoors only with a green phantom mask-I was bored and browsing through my e-mails when I came across this hilarious one I received ages ago. I ROFLed all over again! :D

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

Happy Independence Weekend y'all!

(PS: Trying really REALLY hard to get outta "writer's block")
(PPS: Thanks to Rach for the e-mail :) )
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