With the schools and colleges closed and most paranoid Mumbaikars confined to their influenzaless homes- unless they brave outdoors only with a green phantom mask-I was bored and browsing through my e-mails when I came across this hilarious one I received ages ago. I ROFLed all over again! :D
The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races.
Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.
Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
Happy Independence Weekend y'all!
(PS: Trying really REALLY hard to get outta "writer's block")
(PPS: Thanks to Rach for the e-mail :) )
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
You know you are in Engineering....
My four years at engineering took alot of hard work(puh-leez!), dedication(yeah! right!! *rolls eyes*) and commitment (AHAHAHA!).
So here goes the routine.-> Enjoy!
SUBMISSIONS/EXAMS/VIVAS/PROJECTS
1. The local xerox-wallah and Google search engine become your life savers at the last moment study routine
2. When you become a call centre executive on the eve of a major exam, answering to hassled and traumatized peers
3. When you turn into a CIA agent hunting for every note(s) visible and Xerox them all, only to end up with 5 sets of the same notes!
4. Where phrases like “dimag ka short ho gaya yaar!”, “jherroxx kar lena”, “abbey, “proxy maara kya?”, “chalta hai na”, “kuch nahi pada yaaaaarrrrr”, “array, JHOL ho gaya yaar!” are the lingo generated especially during the Preparatory leave (PL)
5. When you confess on your “haaalat” of too-much-portion-too-little-time to your confidante when you’ve already revised the syllabus ;)
6. When you work more on your final semester project than any other assignment in your 4 years of engineering
TRUSTED NUTRITIONIST:
7. Where your local SST hangout is the anna’s canteen or tapri outside college
8. Where cries of “baaatermelaaaaannnnnnnn jooooooozzzz” “vhegg cheeeeeeeejjjjjjjj tosttt” are alluring to your ears and fulfill your daily dietary requirements
9. When opening of 'dabba' at 8.05 am is having breakfast and is natural even when the first lecture/practical of the day is going on amidst professors.
ADVANCE BOOKING:
10. Where your CR is the most dependable person; who can even convince your professor to cancel/ postpone his/her lecture for weeks to come
LABORATORY MANIPULATORY
11. When night-outs in college labs are not just….er…. for completing project work ;)
12. When you realize the importance of hidden files and folders in Windows and root directory in Linux :D
13.When you rather stay up all night discussing “tactics” for the Java practical than studying for it
14.When you complete your journals whenever and wherever feasible as if your life depends on it
15. When you have backup of backup of backup plan(s) even when SOME moron gets a CD written of answers during final exam dry lab practicals
16. When the Alt+F4 combination saves you from getting your ass whipped when playing Slayers and Mob Wars on FB :P
17. When you know the college network administrator’s password better than you know your own e-mail’s
18. When you value MS Word's auto-save feature when completing an assignment /project due next day and power-cuts have no mercy
DANCE OF ATTENDANCE
19. Where even the students who have left the college clear the attendance cut-off percentage even before you do
20. When you spend more hours on traveling to college than on attending lectures
21. When you attend college ONLY to either pay fees/ attendance defaulter’s fine or get notes or claim your hall ticket
PUNCTURING PUNCTUALITY
22. When coming to college at 8.30am for an 8.00am lecture is “thoda late” but 8.35am is “kitna late yaaaaarrrrr!!!”
23. When you frantically chat up a “new admission” in the corridor, only to realize that they’ve been in your class for the past four semesters :O
GTalk + Facebook
24. When you are “busy” on GTalk/Facebook, doing nothing
25. When you are “Not at my desk” on GTalk, you are playing games on facebook
26. Your idea of 'multi-tasking' is chatting simultaneously in multiple GTalk/Facebook chat windows
LIBRARY? (What’s THAT?)
27. When you hunt for e-books and print them rather than stepping inside the library to issue the same for free
28. When “Research” to you is limited to the first 10 hits of Google search to your query
29. When you consider the Handwritten notes of professors as the Bible while research papers are sedatives in paper form.
30. The only time you step inside the library is to get Xeroxes from the xerox-wallah
31. Even if you manage to get further than the Xerox-wallah inside the depths of the library, (G-E-E-K!)you meet the librarian who acts no less than a prison guard guarding the pile of books
32. To ask the librarian to lend u a reference copy (OK, my life depends on that book now!) is equivalent to engaging in mortal combat with her, and you DEFINITELY get KO-ed!
I would like to dedicate this post ESPECIALLY to my wonderful BBI batch of 2009 pals:
Especially,
•Amu (woman, you’ve been there through my mood swings, frantic notes collection, et. Al. Thank you for being there for me all these four years!)
•My project gang… the four of us, who ALWAYS stuck as a team: Vidzy, Kanni and Monts.
•Vicco (Just chatting away at late nights; anything under the sun and transmitting loads of *ahem* information :P)
•Shaily, my sweet friend and support who’s always been a dear friend throughout the 4 years.
Last but never the least,
•Raniji who was the life saver of our class, on whom each and every BBI-ite depended on him for something or the other, and never failing on patience. Cheers man! And you \m/
Also like to give a call out to Dhruti, Sangya, Mahak, Shiny, Anindita, Saumya, Sindhu, Sneha, Rucha, Anish, Shibboo, Nutty, Anks, Manni, Shruti, Sunil who've helped me in one way or the other.
Glad i am done with engineering!
Peace out! :D
So here goes the routine.-> Enjoy!
SUBMISSIONS/EXAMS/VIVAS/PROJECTS
1. The local xerox-wallah and Google search engine become your life savers at the last moment study routine
2. When you become a call centre executive on the eve of a major exam, answering to hassled and traumatized peers
3. When you turn into a CIA agent hunting for every note(s) visible and Xerox them all, only to end up with 5 sets of the same notes!
4. Where phrases like “dimag ka short ho gaya yaar!”, “jherroxx kar lena”, “abbey, “proxy maara kya?”, “chalta hai na”, “kuch nahi pada yaaaaarrrrr”, “array, JHOL ho gaya yaar!” are the lingo generated especially during the Preparatory leave (PL)
5. When you confess on your “haaalat” of too-much-portion-too-little-time to your confidante when you’ve already revised the syllabus ;)
6. When you work more on your final semester project than any other assignment in your 4 years of engineering
TRUSTED NUTRITIONIST:
7. Where your local SST hangout is the anna’s canteen or tapri outside college
8. Where cries of “baaatermelaaaaannnnnnnn jooooooozzzz” “vhegg cheeeeeeeejjjjjjjj tosttt” are alluring to your ears and fulfill your daily dietary requirements
9. When opening of 'dabba' at 8.05 am is having breakfast and is natural even when the first lecture/practical of the day is going on amidst professors.
ADVANCE BOOKING:
10. Where your CR is the most dependable person; who can even convince your professor to cancel/ postpone his/her lecture for weeks to come
LABORATORY MANIPULATORY
11. When night-outs in college labs are not just….er…. for completing project work ;)
12. When you realize the importance of hidden files and folders in Windows and root directory in Linux :D
13.When you rather stay up all night discussing “tactics” for the Java practical than studying for it
14.When you complete your journals whenever and wherever feasible as if your life depends on it
15. When you have backup of backup of backup plan(s) even when SOME moron gets a CD written of answers during final exam dry lab practicals
16. When the Alt+F4 combination saves you from getting your ass whipped when playing Slayers and Mob Wars on FB :P
17. When you know the college network administrator’s password better than you know your own e-mail’s
18. When you value MS Word's auto-save feature when completing an assignment /project due next day and power-cuts have no mercy
DANCE OF ATTENDANCE
19. Where even the students who have left the college clear the attendance cut-off percentage even before you do
20. When you spend more hours on traveling to college than on attending lectures
21. When you attend college ONLY to either pay fees/ attendance defaulter’s fine or get notes or claim your hall ticket
PUNCTURING PUNCTUALITY
22. When coming to college at 8.30am for an 8.00am lecture is “thoda late” but 8.35am is “kitna late yaaaaarrrrr!!!”
23. When you frantically chat up a “new admission” in the corridor, only to realize that they’ve been in your class for the past four semesters :O
GTalk + Facebook
24. When you are “busy” on GTalk/Facebook, doing nothing
25. When you are “Not at my desk” on GTalk, you are playing games on facebook
26. Your idea of 'multi-tasking' is chatting simultaneously in multiple GTalk/Facebook chat windows
LIBRARY? (What’s THAT?)
27. When you hunt for e-books and print them rather than stepping inside the library to issue the same for free
28. When “Research” to you is limited to the first 10 hits of Google search to your query
29. When you consider the Handwritten notes of professors as the Bible while research papers are sedatives in paper form.
30. The only time you step inside the library is to get Xeroxes from the xerox-wallah
31. Even if you manage to get further than the Xerox-wallah inside the depths of the library, (G-E-E-K!)you meet the librarian who acts no less than a prison guard guarding the pile of books
32. To ask the librarian to lend u a reference copy (OK, my life depends on that book now!) is equivalent to engaging in mortal combat with her, and you DEFINITELY get KO-ed!
I would like to dedicate this post ESPECIALLY to my wonderful BBI batch of 2009 pals:
Especially,
•Amu (woman, you’ve been there through my mood swings, frantic notes collection, et. Al. Thank you for being there for me all these four years!)
•My project gang… the four of us, who ALWAYS stuck as a team: Vidzy, Kanni and Monts.
•Vicco (Just chatting away at late nights; anything under the sun and transmitting loads of *ahem* information :P)
•Shaily, my sweet friend and support who’s always been a dear friend throughout the 4 years.
Last but never the least,
•Raniji who was the life saver of our class, on whom each and every BBI-ite depended on him for something or the other, and never failing on patience. Cheers man! And you \m/
Also like to give a call out to Dhruti, Sangya, Mahak, Shiny, Anindita, Saumya, Sindhu, Sneha, Rucha, Anish, Shibboo, Nutty, Anks, Manni, Shruti, Sunil who've helped me in one way or the other.
Glad i am done with engineering!
Peace out! :D
Monday, July 13, 2009
Fantastic Four
Curdrice aka KarSub has tagged moi.
Without further adieu, I shall
Four places that I have lived in
Mumbai, Navi Mumbai (Its different from the former, Mind Ittt!), Indore, Bangalore
Four TV Shows I love to watch
House M.D. :...."Theme Music.".. from Teardrop by Massive Attack
The Little Lulu Show: "...always in and outta trouble, but mostly always in!..."
F.R.I.E.N.D.S :"....i'll be there for you oooooooooo...."
How I Met Your Mother: "..dhan dhan dhan...pa papa pa pa pa..."
Four places I have been on vacation
Goa: Is like my second home
Singapore: Although been there once, would love to visit again
Japan: Moshi moshi! Hajimemashite. Doozo yoroshiku.
My couch: I [heart] my couch, sweet slumber!
Four favorite food items
Missal pav: Give it to me anytime of the day, I'll ravish it!
Coriander Chutney Sandwich: Made by my mum ONLY!
Phanna Dalithoy(Tadka Dal): All u konkanis out there will get what I mean.... :D
Chicken Biryani: Lucky's Bandra wallah :P
(I'm salivating already....)
Four Websites I visit daily
Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro
Four places I’d rather be
Harvard University, USA
Fine dining with Brad Pitt (after unceremoniously kicking Angelina Jolie out), George Clooney and Richard Gere
Inside Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory
In a daily comic
Four things I hope to do before I die
Fly a helicopter over the Australian coast
Ride a Double-Decker bus
Eat ice cream at the Antarctic
Meet a person who's name starts with a !
Four novels I wish I was reading for the first time
Calvin and Hobbes Comics
Rage of Angels
Harry Potter series
Yes Minister
Four movies I can watch over and over again
Liar Liar: Jim-Carey-is-the-BEST!
Home Alone 1: Love it!
Beauty & The Beast: Disney's finest...
An Officer and A Gentleman: utterly romantic
Four people I want to tag
(cracking knuckles)
And behind Door number One
Door number Two
Door number Three
Door number Four
(mirthful laughter) :D
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Rhythm Divine
When the skies appear sullen as if after a white-wash, the sun peeps through the clouds no more, the cool icy breeze wavering the leaves on trees, pitter-patter of the raindrops against the windows...What can get better than this atmosphere, when the clouds pour down without inhibition albeit intimidating Nature to take on its course.
All one can do in this wonderful serene weather is to sit back and enjoy nature's spectacle; every cycle begins with the blessing of monsoon as mother earth quenches her thirst for many a months in the seasonal cycle.
The onset of the monsoon brings one joy-one becomes a kid again-and undiluted calmness. I reminisce, the flowing of paper boats across the overflowing water stream, wearing gumboots and flopping about in my raincoat, without a care in the world dancing away to the divine rhythm of the rain. (And also of how being scolded for turning into a muddy mess and have earthworms crawling all over the floors of my home :P)
Of corn cobs being roasted merrily while tea simmers away in an old pot. Of sitting beside a loved one chatting away interrupted only to sip hot tea and eat hot onion fritters. When one doesn't mind when umbrella is forgotten "by mistake" and get drenched to the toe on such a whim.
Such wonderful times, mesmerizing...
Reminds me a wonderful song by B. J. Thomas:
"..The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me..
..Raindrops keep fallin' on my head.."
Enjoy the monsoons folks! :)
Statutory Warning: This post may dampen/ unable to rekindle spirits of those afflicted with leaky-nose syndrome (aka common cold).
image courtesy: mlissa2121 from photobucket.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Oh so gorgeous!
Amongst the uncountable number of quizzes, is one such quiz on Facebook called the 'What's Wrong With You?" quiz.
The quizzes i am *ahem* requested to take have vague and simbly stoopid :P results.
But, this one took the cake!
Check it out:
Gauri took the What's Wrong With You? quiz.
Gauri took the What's Wrong With You? quiz and the result is Too Attractive.
Your extreme level of hotness is distracting and offensive to everyone.
(That's not it.... read ahead...)
Seriously. You're so hot that it makes your friends vomit out of jealousy and strangers drool out of animal lust. Invest in some burlap sacks before everyone you know turns into drooling, vomity messes. Or maybe just invest in some mops.
And don't forget to thank your mom and dad for making you so gorgeous. They did good.
Thanks mom and dad! :P
The quizzes i am *ahem* requested to take have vague and simbly stoopid :P results.
But, this one took the cake!
Check it out:
Gauri took the What's Wrong With You? quiz.
Gauri took the What's Wrong With You? quiz and the result is Too Attractive.
Your extreme level of hotness is distracting and offensive to everyone.
(That's not it.... read ahead...)
Seriously. You're so hot that it makes your friends vomit out of jealousy and strangers drool out of animal lust. Invest in some burlap sacks before everyone you know turns into drooling, vomity messes. Or maybe just invest in some mops.
And don't forget to thank your mom and dad for making you so gorgeous. They did good.
Thanks mom and dad! :P
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Ohhhh S**T!
Its been a long looooooong time away from blogging...
Back again!
Refreshed. Revitalized.
Anyhoo, the other day was like any other ordinary day.
Did my ever-torturous project work, came back home, had junk food, left the tap open and slept....
Next morning,
I woke up late.
Big mistake!
No, no wait.... HUMUNGOUS mistake!!!
Oh and did I mention, I live alone.
:(
Back again!
Refreshed. Revitalized.
Anyhoo, the other day was like any other ordinary day.
Did my ever-torturous project work, came back home, had junk food, left the tap open and slept....
Next morning,
I woke up late.
Big mistake!
No, no wait.... HUMUNGOUS mistake!!!
Oh and did I mention, I live alone.
:(
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Snooze Fest
Sunday! The Lord blessed us with this day! 7th day of the week.
*wipes tear*
Phew! Ive been soooo tired.... TIRED??? an understate-word.. I suppose.
Stupid engineering project.
I don't think I've been so tired since... *lost in thoughts*
.
.
.
.
*still thinking*
.
.
.
*yawns* *stretches* *realizes there is no space to sleep on her laptop amongst the crumbs and dust*
Actually I haven't worked this alarmingly much even in my 4-years of undergraduate education. :P
Need..... sleep.... now....good 12-hour sleep :)
Hence, my trusty 'ol cell-phone/door-bell/alarm/microwave/whatever-rings is undergoing hibernation for the weekend.
Cheerio folks!
P.S. :I HATE you Monday!!!!! :(
*wipes tear*
Phew! Ive been soooo tired.... TIRED??? an understate-word.. I suppose.
Stupid engineering project.
I don't think I've been so tired since... *lost in thoughts*
.
.
.
.
*still thinking*
.
.
.
*yawns* *stretches* *realizes there is no space to sleep on her laptop amongst the crumbs and dust*
Actually I haven't worked this alarmingly much even in my 4-years of undergraduate education. :P
Need..... sleep.... now....good 12-hour sleep :)
Hence, my trusty 'ol cell-phone/door-bell/alarm/microwave/whatever-rings is undergoing hibernation for the weekend.
Cheerio folks!
P.S. :I HATE you Monday!!!!! :(
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